ok ok ok

so it's been four days since i've first heard about the kindle. yes, i'm still obsessing over this lil gadget. so i decided to shop around, see if there were any other similar products. there are. about the same price range but you have to sync them to your computer. lame.

yesterday i received my million dollar dental bill. yup, you guessed it. granny chayna is going to be responsible, again. i'm going to put $300 towards my dental bill rather than buy a product i really think i might possibly love.

you should have seen brett's face today when i told him about this fantastic machinery! he didn't even let me get out that i had decided NOT to purchase the gizmo at this time. he went ballistic! he's right, but we were agreeing! boys and their little tiny brains.

on another note, i learned a lot this morning. when i got off work, i woke brett up and he got ready for a morning full of errand running before physical therapy. first we went to the dmv. **top secret info ahead** tuesday mornings are the absolute BEST time to go to the dmv. we all know the dmv sucks. california dmvs suck harder. and la dmvs suck the most. we waited a whole 45 seconds before they called our number! sweet mother of god! we didn't get what we went to accomplish done, but we will. so then we go to cvs to pic up some 'scripts. brett's belly was rumbling and he wanted togo's but we instead went to starbucks. if i haven't already said it a million times over, i love fall. yeah god for pumpkin spice lattes with non-fat milk! heavenly! so then we went to costco, another great place to go on a tuesday morning. except apparently you can't get in at 10am unless you're higher than a 'gold-card member.' bite me costco! turning me away at the door! f you right in your a! so we went to target <3>

brett must be loving me because (1) he hates running errands & (b) he's still injured while running errands. he hasn't shaved his face since the accident... nearly 6 weeks. caveman. and he has been begging me to get a beard/mustache trimmer. i was trying to get him to hold off as i had already told my loving mother that this hot item was on his xmas list. he won, got the trimmer. was.so.pissed when he found out you had to charge it before use.

by noon i was out like a light. when i woke up this evening, yep you guessed it. my cave man can now be in an add for phillips norelco. he's so content. who needs kids when you have a guy like mine?

i am such a consumer!

ok really? oprah is that big of an influence on my pea-sized brain! i set my dvr to record her show daily and on friday she revealed a new gadget that she is (and i am now) obsessed with. the kindle. omg. omg. omg. i.want.it.now.
i immediately emailed my mom about my new obsession and told her NOT to buy it for me for christmas because, let's be honest, it's a bit overpriced. and because i cannot wait until christmas. so today is sunday. i learned of this gadget yesterday and have been non-stop searching for this thing. reading reviews. comparing similar product. etc. etc.
so what you're thinking is, 'wow. chayna is a book worm. a sexy book worm. i didn't know that. wow.' nope. i'm not. i'll become an electronic book reading fool of a worm if if get this device of course. again, probably not but i want it! i want it! i want it!
if you don't know what a kindle is, go check it out. it's basically a wireless gadget that allows you to download books in A MINUTE, no matter your location. it stores a crapton of books. it's saving trees people! yeah, i'm a green book worm.
damn you oprah! one day you have suze orman on who tells me to save my money and buy only the things i can afford. the next day you have a super-cool gadget that i probably can't afford but i'm going to buy anyway. damn you!

in other news... are you kidding?! this is the.only.thing on my brain right now! i'm such a geek for technology. Yes, I love technology, but not as much as you, you see... But still, I love technology... Always and forever.

lesson learned!

it's not what you say, but how you say it. simple enough? yes. have i heard it before? a million times. it.just.sank.in. i sorta kinda put in it the brain bank yesterday when brett & i were on our way to blockbuster. to get out of our apartment complex from the garage, you have to do a blind turn into an alley. i, almost always, take the alley to the nearest street rather than just getting on the narrow side street. and i generally fly down the alley at 25mph. and it's full of other parking structure and private garages. so brett has been telling me for the last six weeks to:

slow the fuck down!

you are gonna get schmucked!

you need to quit taking this damn alley! you can't control morons!

slow down! ok, don't.

etc....

then, yesterday he tried a different approach: chayna, i would prefer if you would please not take the alley behind our apartment. i care about you so much and don't want anything bad to happen to you. ever. please just be more careful and if possible take the street instead, but if you do have to take the alley, go very slow and be cautious. i would kill myself if anything ever happened to you.

turns out, the second approach was much more effective! so much so that i have not yet driven down the alley.

my turn. when i was at work last night, brett had a couple of friends over for drinks and video games. no he's not ten, he's just a man addicted to the video games. let's not go there. i did buy the xbox for him for his birthday. stupid wonderful girlfriend. anyway... i came home this morning to pick up brett for physical therapy and he seemed unusually (i use that word lightly) cranky. i was like:

are you hungover?

who did you all supply beers to? there are three left in a 30 pack!

did you smoke a cigarette last night?! are you some kind of fucking idiot?! you quit six weeks ago! with everything that has happened you want to smoke? ew.

to which he replied, why am i honest with you? i didn't have to tell you. urgh.

and then i dropped his monkey ass off at *seriously almost typed pre-school?!* physical therapy. came home and thought about the way i said what i said. an hour and a half later, i picked him up and told him, i've learned my lesson. i know it's my tone and/or the inflection in my voice that frustrates you. but just like you care about my safety when i'm driving down the alley, i care about your safety too. with everything that's happened this past month, i know how short life can be. we've watched our grandparents suffer from smoking. please, i'm asking you not to ever smoke again. i want you to be around forever so we can grow old together. please?

clearly, much more effective. i have a feeling we're going to be having a lot of repeat conversations in order to word them the correct way. it is totally worth it though. what do you have if you can't communicate? lesson learned.

happy birthday mama!

today is my mom's birthday=D yeah:) too bad i'm 2,000 miles away from her on her special day. a phone call just isn't the same as a big squeeze, you know? it's really hard to decide what to get your mom for her birthday, especially since she pretty much never "needs" anything. i've been asking her for awhile now what she'd like for her birthday and she came up with "new floor mats for my car." whoopdifreakindo! and no. so she had an archaic camera that finally pooped out on her so i decided to buy her an easy to run digital camera. welcome to the 21st century mom! i'm sure she'll be reading the owner's manual for the next week and a half and maybe by early january i will see an actual photo printed out! oh, moms!

she told me that last night she got to go to dinner with four of her high school classmates that she hadn't seen for a loooong time. since she's been single she rarely... ok never... goes to her class reunions. the ladies went out for dinner and chatted the night away. i think it's hilarious that the first thing she told me was, "they all looked old! i was like, 'oh my god! i'm with a bunch of old people!" i carefully replied, mom, maybe you need to get one of those magnifying mirrors so you can see your reflection better....

jokes aside, i do have the best mother in the entire world. her life hasn't been easy. she pretty much single handed raised two successful children. not by choice, but that was the hand she was dealt. she never complained. she is the sweetest lady you could ever meet. she is very wise. i can always, always turn to her. her arms are wide open. i hate that i live this far from her and really hope to move closer to home when i decide to have children. seeing her twice a year is not enough. i love her more than she'll ever know. she has raised me to be very strong and independent. i am forever grateful to have been blessed with such a wonderful mom. just look at the pic, she is superwoman!

happy birthday mom! i love you!!!

random thoughts of the day

i'm just not the housewifey type. i already have four days off a week, and i just don't know what to do with them. it takes a day to complete the housework/laundry etc, thanks to a great boyfriend who helps keep it clean day to day. and then another day to run errands. we have no pets thanks to allergies. and no kids thanks to a fractured pelvis. i literally feel like there is nothing to do. i know we're surrounded by millions of things to do, this is afterall LA. not too many people have the middle of the day off though, and i haven't captured the art of having fun alone.

one thing i could do everyday, recieve fantastic wine shipments from amazing wineries. oh yum! now i have to try to leave them in our wine fridge for more than one week. it's so tempting. who doesn't love a glass of vino?

brett & i went to see 'W' tonight. eh. it wasn't what i expected, yet very long. i wouldn't recommend it. there was no real end and it didn't have a whole lot of substance. w has been in office for eight years. in one hour i could think of much better content to include in a movie about him and his never-ending fuck ups. and condoleezza rice's character was so annoying. she is a very intelligent lady and this actress sucked. bad.

i am going to have to dedicate an entire blog to the before & after of b. he is seriously manorexic now. he's lost 30ish pounds since the accident and cannot stop (a) looking in the mirror, (b) weighing himself. he'll soon weigh less than me! he really does look good though. like really good. like david beckham good. lucky, lucky me! that pelvis will heal my darlin and i'd better find a gyno before that. tmi? my bad.

not many thoughts running through my brain tonight. i need to slip into bed with my man and finish this glass of wine. g'nite!

happy 60th birthday daddy!

today would have been my dad's 60th birthday if he were still here. wow. imagine the shindig! i don't have a lot of memories of my dad since he passed away when i was only six. i have a lot of pictures and i know i was a daddy's girl, but actual memories are scarce. i often wonder how life would have been different if he were still here.

i wonder if if i have any of his mannerisms. i know i look just like my mom. and since i've spent a majority of my life with just her, i'm sure i have more of her mannerisms than his. but i wonder if i think the same way as he did. do i act like he did? i know i have some of the same interests that he did.

i've wondered if he would have been here, would i be where i am today? would i have gone to college out of state? moved 2,000 miles from home? be a nurse? be so independent? be with brett? be allowed to date at all! he used to tell me i couldn't date until i was 30!

i think about what my future will be like without him. when i get married, i'll walk alone but hold him in my heart. when i have kids, will they understand that everyone has two grandpas but only one is here on earth? i worry about my mom when she gets older, alone.

i wonder if my brothers would have treated me more like a sister than a daughter for the last 18 years. all three of them have been very protective and did a great job playing the role they were handed. each of them are very different and have therefore taught me different things. i am so thankful for them. i should tell them more often.

so in the spirit of halloween and what should have been my dad's 60th, my friend & i carved pumpkins today! because that is a memory that i do have with him. and i found out today, carving pumpkins is a lot of work man! but we did it, and then rewarded ourselves with a beverage. which then made it a lot easier for me to carve my second pumpkin, the one that my anti-traditional boyfriend didn't want to carve!

cheers to our parents! remember to tell them thank you. remind them that you love them. we don't know how long they will be here with us.

live for today!

sounds easy enough, right? so wrong for me. so hard for me.

brett & i have been struggling lately with our communication and making our relationship the priority. we've had a rough month. last friday was one one month to the day of his car accident. he's been struggling at home and i've been struggling at work to get us by. i recognize that he's lonely and bored and that his entire life has been turned upside-down, inside-out. imagine blinking and not being able to do anything you're used to doing. you can't move your body like you just could. you don't have enough energy to hang out with your friends. going to work is next to impossible. and your social circle has slowly melted away because you can't participate in the usual activities. i do get that.

now on my side, i've also been exhausted, for very different reasons. it's very hard to understand the path that God has chosen for us. we just have to have faith that everything will work out. but our plate is very full right now. i was out of work for awhile so that i could be with brett during this stressful time. so of course our income isn't what it should be. now that he's home, i'm trying to pick up extra shifts so that we can make it. comfortably, like we're used to. but i'm exhausted. i go to work and take care of patients. i come home and take care of my personal patient. i'm TRYING to think of fun activities for us to do. any fun, sober ideas for someone with physical limitations? point is, i'm forgetting to take care of myself.

we've both been stressed, which makes us cranky, which in turn makes us argue. today i was reminded by my love that i need to live for today. i am in a constant state of wonder, daydreaming if you will, about our future. i want to get married. i want to have kids. i want to own a home. i want brett's career to take off. i want to be close(r) to our family or at least have the funds to visit them more often. i spend a lot of time thinking about our future.

brett so kindly reminded me that "all of that shit will happen." it's not something i have to worry about, all of that just happens. everything will fall into place and there's no need to worry about it. he says people who have "goals" to get married/have kids/etc are morons. that's life. it's what we're programed to do. it isn't a "goal." so i swallowed all of this information, choking it down. but he's right. we will get married, we will have kids, we will have a house, we will grow old... together, no less. just relax. enjoy today. live for today.

i don't want to be 85 telling my grandkids that yes, grammy & pops did live in LA when we were your age but we didn't take advantage of the city. how it was a tough time for us and we stayed in and argued a lot, we got through it, but we REGRET that we didn't take advantage of all of the opportunities because we were too busy bitching at each other.

soooooooooo, do me a favor. try to take this advice with me. let's live for today! let's not live with regrets, k?