That BIG decision...

When I went on maternity leave in late December last year, I was working night shift as a staff RN in one of our hospital's ICUs.  I've actually been doing night shift for my entire nursing career, which is coming up on seven years!
Let me just say, nursing is a very demanding job. It's completely selfless and can be mentally, physically and emotionally exhausting.  The patients in our hospital are VERY sick.  Patients come to us for "Higher Level of Care," I feel like we are sometimes their last hope.  That said - I wouldn't want to do anything else, unless I could be a stay at home mom of course!  While I was pregnant, this already difficult job, got a lot harder.  I spent a majority of my time off, sleeping.  I decided that when I came back from leave, I would like to go to dayshift.  I was totally content in that decision, until...
A week or so after I left for maternity leave, I learned that one of our Clinical Coordinators (AKA Charge Nurse) had resigned from the position, which sparked an interest for me. I have strong leadership skills and felt I would be a good fit for the job.  I had already been acting as relief charge nurse for a couple of years and I was ready for a change.  Being a clinical coordinator means less patient care and more management driven skills.  I reached out to my manager and made sure to apply when the position was opened up online.
Since January, I've been going back and forth.  Do I want to work nights as a charge nurse or do I want to work days as a staff nurse?  I've weighed the Pros & Cons a million times, at least. I decided the only way I would go back to nights, was for the Clinical Coordinator position.
Here are some of my Pros/Cons.

NIGHTS 

Pros:

New Position - a change I had hoped for

Management - minimal patient care

More Money!!

No more union dues

No weekends required

Brett could go to auditions during the day because, technically, I'd be home
Veda might not even know I'm gone at night

Cons:

Difficult sleep/wake cycle

Lose a day for each day worked due to prep sleep/recovery sleep

I may hear Veda/Brett during the day and get less sleep

I'll get to see Veda for a couple hours a day - 

Brett would be sitting at home with her at night, and caring for her during the day

Brett would miss many shows

DAYS

Pros: 

Totally different than nights - can learn a lot

Can still care for patients

Will not have to flip/flop schedule

Therefore, can work every other day if I chose 

Covered by the union

Brett will not have to miss shows and can schedule auditions on my off days

Brett will only have to watch Veda during the day

Cons:

Less money

Busier 

Long days away from Veda

Brett may have to miss meetings/auditions

Not sure how much support I'd have to continue pumping/breast feeding

Maybe you can see why this was such a difficult decision for me, the pros and cons are almost equal. 

I had an interview a couple of weeks ago with the other three clinical coordinators, my manager, my director and another nurse who work(ed) on the unit.  I was nervous for a few reasons, (1) it's an interview (2) I still have serious baby brain!

I've gone back and forth and back and forth and asked family and friends for advice.  Brett and I have talked at length about what would be best for us.  I asked co-workers who work both day and night and have small kids what they prefer and why.  Honestly, it was a mixed response. I was kind of hoping someone could make the decision for me ;) 

Either way we don't have to use daycare, which I'm so grateful! We are going to interview some babysitters for last minute things (ex I'm at work and Brett has an audition or a show).  

I've ultimately decided that it is not in my/our best interest for me to return to night shift at this time, so when I do return to work in early June, it will be on day shift!  I'm feeling both excited and guilty about this decision.  

I came to the realization today, that I never really make decisions with MY BEST INTEREST in mind.  I care too much about how what I do will effect other people.  I feel guilty because I'm leaving my coworkers on nightshift.  I know the person who is taking over is an incredible nurse and will do an excellent job, I just feel bad.  My coworkers trust me, asked me to take over in this position and have expressed that they can't wait for me to come back. But I'm not, not to nights anyway.  I'm sure they will be happy for me, but I still can't help feeling like this.  This is probably the only time I've made a decision with me and my family in mind.  I'm not bending over backwards to make someone else happy, I'm making myself happy.  Brett asked me if I feel like this is holding back professionally, I told him "There will be other opportunities, however, the next position I'm applying for is full time mommy." ;) 

My hope is that I can confidently say, in six months, that this was the best decision I've made, career-wise, so far.  So here's to new journeys and experiences! 

Car seat safety

I just want to put it out there that I am NOT a certified car seat specialist and I don't think that I know more than you.

So we recently had a baby, SURPRISE! When Veda was born, we didn't even have a car seat bought yet.  She came a month early and we had planned to go to Babies R Us the night she came, but they had closed.  Luckily, my husband is a fantastic human being, and went to Babies R Us on Veda's birthday to get the remaining necessities.  And, thankfully, he is charming enough to have convinced two women, who worked there, help him complete our list!

Since we didn't have the car seat prior to her birth, we obviously didn't have it installed when we were ready to take her home.  About a week after she was born, we had a Certified Car Seat Specialist come check out how we had done and give us some helpful hints.  I just want to share these with other mamas because I've seen A LOT of my friends' kids NOT properly secured in their car seats.  I just wanted to write a quick post, to hopefully educate you on what is key so that your precious little bundle is as safe as (s)he can be!!

The man that we hired came to our house and talked to us for about an hour, including instructing us on how to put baby into the seat and going to the car to learn how to correctly install the seat. He voluntarily does this because he lost his grandson in a tragic car accident and this is his new passion.

A few things he told us:
Do not add any thing to your car seat.  For example, furry seat belt covers.  If you are to get in an accident, the car seat company will not take fault because they do not approve of any such attachments.

Do not use a backseat baby mirror.  You have likely figured out what each sound/cry your baby makes means and using a mirror is a major distraction when driving (especially out here!!)

Do not let the car seat touch the seat in front of it.  There should be at least enough room for your finger between car seat and seat in front of it.  This has to do with the shift in gravity when you hit the brakes or get rear ended and so on.

You should not have anything left unsecured in your backseat (or if you have a hatchback).  Imagine, if you get in an accident, everything will fly around.  Would you throw your purse, for example, at your baby's face.  Probably not, secure it with your seatbelt!

What he showed us:
The buckle of the car seat should go over baby's chest, not his abdomen.  As in, the most important organs (heart & lungs).  This is the most common mistake I've seen.  It should be almost aligned with the arm pits.

This is correct.  Buckle over chest, at armpit level. 

NOT correct. Move the buckle up!!!

To be sure the straps are tight enough, you should do the 'pinch test.'  This simply means that between the buckle and shoulder, you should not be able to pinch any fabric - or minimal fabric.  

Pinch Test

The straps should enter the car seat at shoulder level or LOWER.  This ensures that the shoulders are cupped, so to speak, if you should experience impact.  This helps baby to move less in an accident.  It keeps the baby down in the seat, rather than sliding up and then back down - which could cause head trauma. This is the second most common mistake I'm seeing.

It's hard to see, but straps should be either level or BELOW shoulder height. 

Also, the base of the seat should be in so tight that with your non-dominant hand, you should not be able to move it when applying full force.  The seat belt itself should not be locked.  And, of course, the safest place to have the seat is in the middle back seat, rear facing (until 2 years old is the new recommendation by the American Academy of Pediatrics).

Please, please understand this is not to make it seem like I know everything and you don't.  Keep in mind, my one and only baby is three months old, I'm far from an expert.  However, I felt this information needed to be shared because I can't imagine anything happening to my (or your) baby.

Also, thank you Veda for being such a wonderful model :)

12 weeks // 3 months

Found this on one of our many, many walks.  VR = Veda Riley
Somebody must have snuck out.  Oh, and we have a spirit with us on our walk,
notice the bottom left corner =)

Prepare for photo overload.  I swear, she went from a newborn to a grown up over the last month.  She's just changed so much!  Her personality/demeanor is typically pretty calm.  She has cried a lot this last month, but I think I'm finally figuring her out.  She will let you know when she's tired or hungry and it's usually RIGHT.NOW! She needs to take a nap about every three hours, usually an hour and half after wake time.  If I can put her down as soon as she shows signs (slight whimpering, fussiness) there's no issue (well, except that I can't put her down anywhere, I have to hold her - spoiled!).  If it goes into full on meltdown... it's not pretty!

Beauty Queen Veda, being an angel at the doctors office.  Right before shots :/

Routine/Schedule: Not a lot has changed.  We wake up around 7 every morning and get on our every three hour schedule of wake/eat/play/(attempt to) sleep.  Week eight was a big week for us, she started sleeping through the night.  We're talking 10PM-6-7AM.  At that point she was still in our room, so once she was doing it consistently (maybe a week or so) we transitioned her into her own room.  This was much harder on mama than baby, but we both survived.  Initially I put her in her "bassinet" (an attachment of her Pack N Play that she'd been sleeping in since birth) in her crib.  A week later I tried no bassinet, directly in crib.  She woke up at 2am and required a feeding, I was afraid she wouldn't sleep the rest of the night so I put the bassinet back in and continued to let her sleep in it.  Well, then she started getting pretty long and it was inevitable that she'd need to be in the crib alone soon.  So we tried again, same thing, up at 2 but this time I put her back down in the crib.  Then next night, and every night since, she's slept soundly.  I usually put her to bed awake and let her fall asleep on her own.  Last week I added a mobile to her crib to give her some noise (I always put it on heartbeat rather than music) and something to look at as she's drifting off.

Matching outfit from head to toe!

This doesn't really fall into this category, or any category, but overnight she outgrew her newborn clothes and now wears 0-3 months, or 3 months.  Her feet seem to be the first body part to outgrown an outfit, guess we'll have to teach her to swim ;) She also finally outgrew newborn diapers and wears size 1.  PS I was told the cheap ones are just as good as the expensive ones... not so much! She's had a few blowouts, including one where I had to cut her onesie off of her! We were gifted a few of the cheap brands and I had coupons for a few as well so she's tried a bunch of different kinds. I put her in the cheaper brand (Luvs or Huggies) during the day and Pampers Swaddlers at night or if we're going to be in the car/stroller for awhile.

Oh yeah girl, I hear ya!

Feeding: I'm still feeding Veda every 3 hours, over the last week or so it's been closer to every 2.5 hours - must be a growth spurt. I plan to start spacing them out a little bit more, hoping to feed her every four hours.  She's had some pretty rough days with a lot of gas, we had tried a couple different kinds of gas drops but she still seemed to be having some pretty serious pain, so we started BioGaia.  It's a probiotic that our pediatrician recommended.  We've been on it for about 3 weeks now and its safe to say I can see a change!   The only problem is, it's hard to find on the West coast.  We buy it from our pediatrician, but I finally found it at Walgreens this week! It's expensive, but works. She still occasionally has gas and our friends introduced us to Gripe Water which also helps.
She is still getting only breast milk.  For the first 3.5 weeks of life, I pumped and bottled because her latch was not good.  I got really tired of washing bottles, which I'm sure I've mentioned, so I transitioned her to the breast via a nipple shield. Again, I got tired of washing the nipple shield and it's not that easy to manuever in public under a cover, so I worked really hard and finally got her on the breast! Woo Hoo!!!! Good job baby girl!  She gets between 3-5 oz per feeding.   

I think she may have an allergy to eggs.  Just like daddy... great! I'm not sure when you can get infants allergy tested. My theory behind this, is that I had been eating eggs every day for breakfast since I came home from the hospital.  She had been fussy and gassy pretty much the entire time.  She also had a reddish rash on her face, it looked a lot like the baby acne they can get so it didn't really concern me.  I even mentioned it to her doctor, but he seemed to think it was just my hormones coming through.  Then I noticed it spreading behind her ears and even to her neck, her chin was also getting bright red.  So I cut eggs everything has cleared up.  Brett's pediatrician told me to be careful with things he was allergic to, smart man! 

I also think coffee upsets her little belly.  I was drinking a couple of cups a day, then quit because I thought it was effecting her. I would occasionally get something half-caf at Starbucks with no issues on her end.  This week I started drinking half-caf at home and again she's fussy, so no coffee either.  

Sleeping: My little girl is an angel and is still sleeping through the night! She stirs occasionally, but never cries and puts herself back to sleep.  It doesn't seem to matter what time I put her to sleep, she pretty much always gets up at 7am.  My goal is to get her sleeping twelve hours soon.  Its good to have goals! ;) Napping is another story, however! She is not a good napper! Unless it's on me which means I can get nothing done, she doesn't want to nap.  The only thing that's working right now is to take her for a stroll, so we're getting lots of walks in around here! I have to figure out how to get her to nap, maybe swaddling, or putting her in the front pack or Moby so at least my hands are free!

After a loooong walk with mommy, when she still refused to sleep!

Just napping on mommy, the preferred spot. 

Not Veda, obviously, but I think tis is her motto! 

Stats: We don't have an official update since our next doctor appointment is not until 4 months (May), but I weighed her last week and she was up to 10 pounds 12 ounces, so up 5 pounds since birth!

Modified Tummy time. We're not really a fan of the tummy time ;)

Struggles: We've had a pretty good month, I have to say.  I was starting to get anxious about Brett leaving to go back to Kansas for four days.  After his last little road trip, I didn't know how I'd do it again by myself.  I called and begged my mom to come out and help me out! She so graciously said yes! I'm sure she didn't mind ;)

First 'social smile' Daddy said, "Good Morning, Beautiful"
and this is what we got :)

That Daddy guy is funny!

Lazy morning with Daddy

Milestones: Well, she's still working on that social smile.  I can't wait until it's consistent! Her smiles are huge and so freakin' adorable, but they are like seeing a shooting star at this point.  I'm also super excited for her laugh!!  She is cooing up a storm and her most common 'words' are "Ah-goo" and "Yeah."  So cute!  Her neck is getting stronger and stronger and her hands are no longer in constant fists.  

Adventures:  Holy moly! We've been busy this month! We went to our friend's, Derek (our ring bearer) and Jay (his dad),  joint birthday party at a local bowling alley, had brunch with my friend Alyssa who was visiting from Minnesota, went to my coworker's house for a gathering, had friends visit for a day to meet our little princess, had Brett's Uncle Chris and his family stop by on their way to Palm Springs, went to the zoo, went bowling - twice, went to sushi, went to a mommy & me group at the hospital with friends and finally Grandma Rhonda came to help me out for the weekend while daddy was gone.  Wowzers!

Look at her checking Derek out! Happy 4th Birthday D!

It was Nana's birthday, she said this was the best card ever!

It was Daddy's birthday, too, this month.  

Veda & her friend Henry

Veda & her friend Brooklyn

Grandma Rhonda came to help out again, and totally spoiled us!

Realizations:  Man these little ones grow up fast! Physically, Veda is getting so long.  She really is a little string bean.  I never in a million years thought I would have a long/lean baby! Brett & I were such chunky monkeys, it just doesn't make sense! Her little cheeks are filling out though, so maybe it's just a matter of time!
Her eyes are so focused now and she tracks Brett and I when we're moving about the room.  She's just such a little doll face, I can't stop staring at her!
I know we are so, so blessed that we both get to spend so much time with her during this age.  I am looking forward to the next few months when she's holding her head up, smiling on command and beginning to sit up, but I'm also savoring every single second.  Even when she's upset, I remind myself we will only get to do this once (with her... I'm sure she'll have siblings eventually). 

I just love her! She is so perfect!

How we (the parents) are doing:  We are doing amazing! I am still on maternity leave, and plan to be until the first week of June.  I am so fortunate to be able to stay home with her for five months! I wish I didn't have to go back, but, again, I'm lucky that I only have to work three days a week.  I had a job interview last week - it has to do with the decision I'm struggling with, but can't say too much more about it at this time.
Brett's new manager is keeping him BUSY! She's on the exact same page as Brett when it comes to what he wants to do with his career.  We consider Veda his good luck charm.  Since she came a month early, he was forced to reschedule one of his shows, where he met his now manager! He's already had multiple auditions and opportunities, so we are VERY excited to see where this goes.  Maybe I can retire soon and be a full time mommy!

Still not done making these silly faces!

Looking forward to: Brett and I (and Veda, of course!) are going to escape LA for a couple of days to celebrate our anniversary.  We've been married for one year on April 7th (together for 8 years - on the same date).  I can't believe how much our lives have changed in just one year. It's amazing and I'm feeling so much love! We are heading to Pismo Beach, which is where we got married.  I don't have a lot on the agenda, because what can you really do with an infant (?), I just want to get out of town and relax! Also, our wedding photographer ran into Brett at the SLO comedy Festival (where he was named Best of Fest) and offered to do our first family photos! We are going to take them up on that offer this week when we head to Pismo.  I'm so excited, I hope Veda will cooperate!

It started getting hotter,
so I busted out my summer clothes!

And in case you forgot... I was trying to think of a cute way to capture her growth over the next year, so what I've decided is this: I bought a dress that's size 12 Months and I plan to put her in it every month until it fits.

3 Months