dilemma...ish

brett told me if i don't blog again soon, he won't love me anymore. i hate ultimatums... 

but seriously, it's been awhile since i've blogged anything of importance. 

brett flew back to kansas on thursday, i will meet him there on wednesday which i'm super excited about! he had an amazing show in his hometown on friday, unfortunately did not get a tape though. there were 300ish people there to show love & support! i love small towns!

i'm not sure if i've mentioned it before or not, but brett's been changing since the accident. he talks about moving back home, being near family, changing his life around and really wanting to help people. since he's been home, he's been feeling really loved on by the locals, but i'm pretty sure it's creeping him out as usual. he craves respect and attention, but when he gets it, when people put him on the pedestal, he freaks the eff out! example: paso robles. our california hometown was filled with people who loved him. worshiped him. it was weird for him. he wanted to move to la. to be ignored. we moved to la. he's not completely ignored, but he isn't worshiped and now he wants to be back in a place like paso... i think. 

the boy is a walking contradiction. the dilemma i'm faced with right now is that he's been home for a whole 3 days. i have yet to experience home since the accident. all we've been talking about is getting the hell out of dodge and back to the midwest. now today he tells me 'we need to talk.' in other words, he's slowly changing his mind again. the problem is i've already told him 'i am moving back in august '09, i really want you in my life, but you have the choice to stay or come with me.' 

he tells me that the people back home have problems. doesn't everyone? especially cats from la? he tells me, yeah but you can choose who to befriend in la. well we have chosen a select few that we actually enjoy their company and appreciate their minds. he says, but i kind of like that we've established a life out there by ourselves. what life? i sleep my misery away. i sleep all day because when i wake up i have to spend money, a lot of money. 

on friday night it was quite apparent to me that i was ready to be back home. my usual 12 mile drive to work took over an hour. as if that's not frustrating enough, i get to work and have to float to another less than glorious unit, because we're budget cutting. that happens when your hospital is multiple millions of dollars in debt and your stock is LESS THAN ONE DOLLAR. i just hope we're still open after the new year so i'll have a job! 

i know, and have known, la is not home for me. i loved paso, but it's not home for me either. i want to be within driving distance of my family. i want to live in a place that i can afford. 

i don't know what to do with brett. he called me last night and told me he was doing all of these family things, christmasy things, small town things and was enjoying it. i was shocked, but secretly overjoyed... until i talked to him this morning.

what's a girl to do? i cannot imagine my life without him. i want little brett & chaynas running around our house in kansas city someday. someday kind of soon. like within five years soon. i can't have little bretts without big brett. i've never been in love like this. and i feel kind of selfish because i know that i can do my career anywhere in the world and if he wants to 'make it' he has to be either here or NYC. and lets be honest, if thats the only choice, i'd pick here. 

but brett traveled as a stand up comic before we moved to cali. made money doing it. actually got a high from being on stage. being respected by the locals that came out to the show. he's a nomad and loves meeting new people. it was great. why can't we go back to that and come out to la on an as needed basis? like pilot season? 

i just don't know what a girl is supposed to do??? and i really don't want to worry about it right now because we're in a lease until august anyway. what's the point of worrying about it for 8 more months? right now i'm just going to focus on getting back to KC safely!

aNoThEr MoNdAy FuNdAy SuRvEy

the year is almost over kids, so let me fit in yet another survey to wrap it up... stolen from myspace

JANUARY

1. Who kissed you on New Years?

I had to work NYE and the next morning I drug Brett out of bed to have a mimosa with me:) 

2. Did you have a New Years Resolution this year?

No, I never stick to them anyway. I do always start the New Year refreshed and with a lot of good ideas: be more healthy, be thankful for what I have, try to see the good in people... but like I said, it usually doesn't last!

3. Does it snow where you live?

If I wanted to drive to the snow, I could be there in a couple of hours. Next year it will snow where I will live.

4. Do you like hot chocolate?

I love it!

5. Have you ever been to Times Square to watch the ball drop?

No and I would rather slit my wrists than be amongst all of those people in the freezing cold!

FEBRUARY 

1. Who was your Valentine?

Brett Michael Riley

2. When you were little did you buy Valentines for the whole class?

Of course! 

3. Do you care if the groundhog sees his shadow or not?

No, for two reasons. One, I really don't remember what it means and two I live in California... it's never really a harsh winter.

4. What did you receive for Valentine's Day?

I don't think we exchanged gifts. My mom sent me some candy & a card.

5. What did you give for Valentine's Day?

I sent my mom a gift, but again, Brett & I didn't exchange gifts.

MARCH

1. Are you Irish?

My grandma informed me that Gramps was a little bit English Irish. I didn't think so, and I'm still not really sure. 

2. Do you like corned beef and cabbage?

Never tried it and don't really have the desire to.

3. What did you do for St. Patty's Day?

Erica was in town and we drank by the pool all day, then Brett performed at the Hollywood Improv that night... I consumed 4 waters at the Improv. Awesome.

4. Are you happy when winter is pretty much over?

When I lived in the midwest I used to be happy when it was close to being over. Now I don't mind winter because I enjoy occasional rain.

5. Did you get tons of candy for Easter?

Yes, my mom still sends me a boatload. 

APRIL

1. Do you like the rain?

As I said earlier, I love the occasional rain. Love thunderstorms!

2. Did you play an April Fool's joke on anyone?

I don't think so.

3. Do you celebrate 4/20?

NO. Even though I live in Cali, no.

4. Do you love April?

I don't hate it.

5. Is your birthday in April?

No

MAY

1. What is your favorite flower?

Stargazer lilies 

2. Do you celebrate Cinco de Mayo?

Yes, but I like to call it, my birthday!!!

3. Do you celebrate May 16th: National Piercing Day?

This is a new one.... uh no.

JUNE

1. What year did you graduate from high school?

I graduated early, in November 2000. I walked with my class in May 2001.

2. Did you do anything fun during this month?

Yes! My mom came to visit! We went to Griffith Park, Santa Monica, shopping and all kinds of fun things:)

3. Have a favorite baseball team?

I'm not a big fan of baseball, but I do enjoy going to a Dodgers game when the offer is on the table!

JULY

1. What did you do on the 4th of July?

Brett & I drove down to Redondo Beach, got in an argument, turned around and went back to North Hollywood

2. Did you go to the fireworks?

We watched them from the roof of our apartment building

3. Did you blast the AC all day?

All year round pretty much!

AUGUST

1. What was your favorite summer memory of 2008?

Going to Magic Mountain on my birthday, and then again when Melissa came out to visit, when my mom visited, when Brett's dad & brother visited... I guess I have the most fun when our families and friends come to visit

2. Did you have a sunburn?

Not in August. In June I had a hell of a sunburn thanks to my mom's visit where we laid by my pool for countless hours and then at the beach. OUCH!

3. Did you go to the pool a lot?

Occasionally, we didn't really utilize our amenities at the gallery. Ew. Too many icky people.

SEPTEMBER

1. Are you attending college?

I've been done for nearly three years! And I really don't want to go back...

2. Do you like fall better than summer?

YES! It's finally under 100 degrees!

3. What happened this month?

I made an impromptu trip home and then came back to LA just in time for Brett to get in a life-threatening car accident. 

OCTOBER

1. What was your Halloween costume?

We stayed home since Brett wasn't getting around too very well.

2. What is your favorite candy?

Chocolate, Red Vines, Skittles, chocolate covered marshmallows, Cadbury Eggs, everything...

3. What was your favorite thing about this month?

hmmm.... nothing stands out really

NOVEMBER

1. Who's house do you go to for Thanksgiving?

I used to go to my Aunt Jane & Uncle Todd's house for Thanksgiving, until I moved out here. Next year I plan on being at their place!

2. What are you thankful for?

I'm thankful that Brett's made an awesome recovery. I'm thankful for our family & friends. I'm thankful to have a job that won't be cut during this awful economy. I'm thankful for my health. I'm thankful for A LOT.

3. Do you love stuffing?

No I don't.

4. Anything special happen this month?

Nothing special happened to us, our friends Eric & Kaitlyn moved to Nashville though!

DECEMBER

1. Do you celebrate Christmas?

YES!

2. Have you ever been kissed under the mistletoe?

Probably, nothing too memorable if I was.

3. What do you want this year?

I'm a brat, I want so much this year! I don't need a lot, just have a lot of wants.

4. Get anything special last year?

My mom got us some pretty sweet Pampered Chef pots & pans. Brett & I bought ourselves a Wii & a new vacuum. I think he was most excited about the vacuum though. 

5. What do you love most about December?

It's a love/hate thing I've got going on with December. I like that I don't have to work much, but I hate that no money appears in my bank account when that happens. And I really like that people are in the 'giving spirit' and not everyone is a complete a-hole!

my boyfriend bought me flowers!

for no apparent reason except that he loves me:) and probably the sweetest card ever! i'm on cloud 9, so that's all she wrote!

first blog on my mac book:)

yeah! i got a new computer... that i'll be paying off for the next year... yippee! i must say the mac is very easy to navigate, efficient, and beautiful. oh and the 'greenest' computer on the planet. go me for saving the earth. all in a days work...

this is just a quick post so i can get back in the hang of things. i am so blessed. i have some pretty amazing 'in-laws.' because of brett's tragic accident, the crappy economy and only being able to see our families once, maybe twice a year, i've been quite grumpy. understandably so, right? unfortunately i'm taking it out on brettro. poor guy sits at home all day/every day, thinking. he's mobile now but tires easily and doesn't have a car at this time. so we've been at each others throats as of late. he's been planning to get home to gain some perspective, but california has us in shackles and chains with this whole registration ordeal.  anyway, it had pretty much been determined that i would not be able to get home until january thanks to being broke... until yesterday. brett's family is actually going to fly us home for the holidays!!! after some swift rearranging of my schedule, i'll get to be home for a week, including christmas eve (the big celebration night on his mom's side)! 

i'm pretty sure everyone will make it home this year, even the riley side from my understanding. it's so great to be surrounded by friends and family during the holidays. actually, every day that i am able to hang out with my family and friends i feel thankful. 

my mom is sad because i won't be staying at her house, but i was just there in september and saw everyone. weather permitting my mom will be able to get down to kansas for a couple of days to hang out with me. now i'm sure once we return to LA from kansas, we'll be rethinking the whole move back secondary to the weather... but i'll have to revisit my old blogs to remind me how much i really want to be home. 

so a quick shout out to the rileys, a huge thank you and big hug! see you all very soon!

sad face

saturday my computer died. dead. won't even turn on. i'm breaking inside because brett's computer crapped out a couple months ago. a weekend without internet is torture. so here i am at work, using my time ever so wisely, researching macs. i'm a mac virgin, but i will be buying one. hopefully this week. until then, miss me.

this must be hell

california is burning bitches! there are fires all over southern california. fortunately, aside from some gnarly air, brett and i are safe. on saturday night while we were driving back to la we saw some 'lights' in the distance. brett asked me, 'is that fire?!' i was like, 'um i don't know. i think it might just be lights...' WRONG! it definitely was fire. which lead me to rant like a crazy person about california. it's not even california that i hate, it's just la. but i was thinking we have a 'fire' season here. fire is not a season! fall, summer, spring... those are seasons. enjoyable times when the weather changes and there is a different mood in the air. fire is something that is really, really scary. i repeat, it is not a season! and while i understand what it means to be contained, i don't understand how they determine the percentage. "this fire is 33% contained." um... is it still burning?! yes! then it is NOT contained! i just don't get it.

i'm pissy today because we're dealing with more nonsense from brett's accident. with the lawyers. regarding hospital bills, shitty car insurance, still the registration bologna.

and now they're f'in with my registration. saying it will be cancelled november 20th if i don't prove my car is insured. i proved that when i registered my car! they first person i talked to said the insurance company had to fax them the proof, which they did. so i called to follow up today and they said now i have to fax the card i carry in my car. omg. why is everything such a hassle?!

i should have known that this would be a frustrating state when i called to inquire about an apartment before we even moved to cali. i call this lady and say, "hi my name is chayna. i'm going to be moving out to california in a few months and just wanted to inquire about a few of your rental properties." her response, "well have you put in your notice?" notice for what lady?! sound the horns i'm moving in! what an idiot. i swear, it's really difficult being the smartest person on the planet and dealing with earthlings. i need to go back to venus.

on a positive spin, i'm very grateful that brett and i are safe. all of the victims affected by the fires and the many brave firefighters are in my thoughts and prayers. i hope soon the fires will be 100% contained, and we can move into earthquake season. is that the order? i'm stumped.

aNoThEr MoNdAy SuRvEy

Is it cute when a boy gives you flowers? it sure would be nice, hint hint boyfriend if you are reading this!
What do you currently hear right now? nurses chatting
Where did you get the shirt you are wearing? my scrub top was from usc uh for nurse's week & my undershirt is from target
What's on your shirt? a symbol with usc uh/usc norris cancer center/nurses week 2008
What are your chances of getting with your crush? i'm with the love of my life, and because i'm a grown up i can only crush on movie stars... so not likely and i'm ok with that
Could you go a day without eating? if i had to, but why would anyone want to?
Do you wish you never dated someone you dated? i don't tend to dwell on the past
Do you know anyone that smokes weed? i know many, i live in california
Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with a T? many years ago
What was the last thing you drank and when and why? agua because i'm thirsty at work
What was for dinner last night? i just had some chicken tortilla soup, pretzels & peach yogurt
Where were you last night? sleeping for 12 hours after a very long, but actually short, weekend
Do you curse in front of your parents? yes but i really need to work on not cussing so much
Have you ever fell asleep in some one's arms? yes i have
Do you still talk to the person you last kissed? of course i do
Have you ever seen your best friend cry? yes i have
Have you ever played a Wii? yes, brett & i got a wii for christmas last year
Who did you last talk to for longer than 10 minutes on the phone last? my mom
Who was the first person you talked to today? brett
Are you sarcastic? all the time constantly and it drives b wild
Where were you at 2:00 this morning? it is 2am and i'm at work
What color are your eyes? aqua but my right eye is also bloodshot, it's pretty
Do you believe in love at first sight? lust, not love
What was the last pill you swallowed? hmm... tylenol on saturday morning
Are your parents home? i'm sure my mom is fast asleep
Do you currently like anyone? i like a lot of people
How often do you hold back from saying what you are thinking? if i feel like you can handle it, or if i know you well than i'll tell you exactly what i'm thinking
Last serious hug and when and who? brett, sunday
Would you ever dye your hair blond? um no
Is something bothering you? my right eye is annoying me right now
If you could change your eye color, what would it be? i wouldn't ever change my eye color, i love them
Has anyone ever told you that you have pretty eyes? yes, which is why i answered the above question the way i did
What woke you up this morning? probably the fact that i felt quite rested after going to bed at 9PM
Is it hard leaving people behind? it's the most difficult thing i've done i do believe
Do you like to cuddle? yes, what girl doesn't?
What are you excited for? yes i am. it's jay & sonya's wedding <3
At the moment are you more warm or cold? comfortable actually, which is suprising at work
Have you ever kissed someone who's name started with a J? many years ago
How's your life lately? "times are hard, but things are a changin' so i pray to God that we will remain the same, all i got to say is our love don't have to change, no it don't have to change"
If the year consisted of only one season, which would you choose? not FIRE! the midwest fall:)
Do you hate being alone? no i enjoy being alone at times
Is there someone that knows everything or mostly everything about you? yes his name is brett
Who were you with last night? brett, on a three hour drive home from paso
Do you want a hickey? ew.
If you found out you couldn't have kids, would you adopt? yes i sure would
Do you wear eyeliner? occasionally
Do you write notes on your hand? i tend to write morning vitals on my hand because i forget my brain at the desk
How many pillows do you sleep with? 2
If you're being extremely quiet, what does that mean? i'm in a zone
Do you think your last ex will eventually want to be with you again? do you think i care?
Have you ever had a thumb war? many years ago
Do you think you are a good person? i think i'm an exceptional person:)
Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you? there are a few, i have a lot of males in my family, but brett means the world to me
What's your favorite thing about Sundays? depends if i'm working or not... well not really, i just like to relax and watch tv
Have you ever had a really big fight with a best friend? many
If you were a reasonable age, would you prefer a baby boy or girl? i want both
Do you think you can last in a relationship for three months? well since brett and i are going on 4 years, i would venture to say yes
Would you rather have an old classic car or a brand new car? brand new hybrid
Do you celebrate Anniversaries? just the year anniversaries
Have you fallen out of love lately? nope
Do you dislike any of your friends parents? uh no
Do you have a nickname that only your family calls you? chaynee
Do you like talking on the phone for a long time? i like to talk on the phone when i'm driving, in la that's almost always a long time
Did you have a Valentine this year? mr. brett
Does your house have a porch swing? i wish i had a house and on it, i'd like a porch swing
Do you ever go to your mom or dad for advice? occasionally i ask my mom for advice, but i make most of my life decisions independently with other people's feelings in mind

here's to a great weekend

brett & i arrived back home after an exhausting two day getaway. we were fortunate enough to get out of God's Ant Farm and headed back up to Paradise, also known as Paso Robles. i worked wednesday night and thursday we made the three hour drive to our california home. we got a hotel room, relaxed in the hot tub with a nice glass of wine and went to level 4 for brett's comedy show. it was a very ... interesting show to say the least. this was his first time back on stage after the accident. and he stood on stage for nearly an hour. in pain. although appearing very relaxed. very... tame for brett. i gave him some not so constructive, criticism. i have to realize it's been only 8 weeks since his car accident. he can't just bounce back. i can't expect him to have the amount of energy and swagger he had before. it will come back in time, probably tenfold, but it all takes time. and even though he appears healed, he is nowhere near healed. but all in all, it was a good show and a great turnout!

we saw so many of our lovely friends that we miss so much! we stayed with a friend on saturday night after going out to support our friend noah's band at hoover's live. one of our wonderful friends suggested we drink red bull vodka since brett and i were both very tired. red bull gives you wings for sure! but vodka gives you incredible dance moves, heightened conversational skills, and one hell of a hangover!

saturday we decided to call it a day and head back to the city. brett was achy all over and very tired. we went to lunch and then wine tasted before heading out (i didn't taste as i was responsible for getting us home safely). it was interesting to be back in paso. i really hate la which most of you know, but paso is a lot slower than i remember. it will forever be a special place to brett & i though. it's where we started our lives, where we grew up together. and where we've made so many very special friends. so now it's back to the drawing board to decide where our next move will be. kansas city? nashville? where will this road of life lead us next? only time will tell.

and one other thing: brett and i had lunch with our friends katilyn & eric on saturday. we know eric because he's from paso and we met kaitlyn in la. she's only known the la brett & chayna and i was very surprised by one of her comments. she said, "brett, i've never seen you like this before. you're smiling and giggling." this is a sure sign we are NOT meant to be in la. it sucks the soul right out of you! but i have no regrets, just looking forward to the future.

a few gripes

my mind has been busy lately observing the many things i dislike about la. i'm becoming a bitter little thang the longer we live here. brett & i went to his follow up doctor appointment last week. it's in hollywood. ick. so it is a given that the parking will be limited and all together crappy. we had a few minutes to spare, but lucky me, i found a parking space right outside!! with a FAILED meter. ugh. so i dropped brett off curbside and continued my hunt for a functioning space. after ten minutes of parking, moving, parking, moving due to failed meters, i finally found a road with multiple openings. i'm just wondering... does the city of la provide all of it's citizens with these grey piggy bank things on a stick next to the road? i fed the meter, nothing. the time did not increase, nada. how freakin' annoying! seriously, i'm a fantastico citizen and i actually call the number on the meter to report the ones that have failed. because even if you can't find any other parking, and take the chance, those stupid little parking police WILL get you! grrr.

next, i'm again/still/always will be forever annoyed by the amount of traffic in this joint. my job is 12miles from where i work. why must it take an hour to get there? or anywhere for that matter. the beach, the airport, downtown. you cannot predict the traffic.

not only that, when you are doing the right thing and following the rules, you still get screwed and have to do 500 extra steps to ensure they (cali gov't) doesn't mess it up. situation at hand: brett registered his car. we didn't report to burbank court that he did. car gets in wreck, unable to open glove box with registration. receive notice that he owes $500 because he isn't registered. yes he is! go to court to straighten it out, three times. appear in front of a judge, twice. go to dmv, 4 times! and now have to wait until december 17th for trial because the judge refuses to listen to his story/look at his evidence. oh my grrrr!

i think with the recent events (brett's wreck) and the upcoming holidays i'm just getting homesick. but i really feel like i have had a wonderful journey the last few years, but i'm ready to retire back to the good 'ol midwest. do i love humidity? snow? ice? no. on the other hand, do i love 100 degree days? no rain...ever? being surrounded by millions of morons? not at all. so then, i guess this is the unofficial, official announcement that i am apartment/house hunting in kansas city. come august '09 i plan to think of california as a recent memory and a future vacation.

YES WE CAN!

i can't explain the overabundance of emotion i felt tuesday night when president elect barack obama was announced. coming from a small midwestern town, i feel that i have overcome many obstacles to remain so open minded. i voted for barack obama. i am living my all time favorite quote "be the change you wish to see in the world." i am so ready for change. i do not have false hopes of what will happen in the next six months, one year, four years. i understand the state of our country and that WE as a nation have a lot of rebuilding to do. although barack obama may be a young man, have less experience than some had hoped for, he has the intelligence, grace, and perseverance to succeed. he fills my heart with hope. i couldn't help but tear up during his speech on tuesday night, i know i am not alone. even brett's eyes were tear-filled. please remember that barack obama cannot fix our country's situations alone. this is a team effort, and WE are part of that team. and luckily, WE now have a leader we can look up to with respect.
i'd also like to comment that though i am pro-obama & did my part to vote for him, i do not think john mccain is a horrible human being. i have very much respect for him and what he has done for our country. i do think that choosing sarah palin for vice president really hurt him. i also think if he would have ran eight years ago, i would have voted for him.
americans need change. need to hope. need to value our families. need to value our friends. need to remember the basics in life. i'm already in love with barack obama as a person and i can't wait to be in love with him as our president. WE are the future.

mOnDaY fUnDaY sUrVeY

How old will you be on your next birthday?26
Have you ever seen a live bat? TWICE. ONCE AT MY CHILDHOOD CHURCH & ONCE AT MY MOM'S HOUSE. EW. EW. & EW. A COUPLE OF GUYS CAUGHT IT IN A COOLWHIP CONTAINER AND THEN PLAYED BASEBALL WITH IT. SORRY PETA.
Are you single? NOPE.
Do you like the color orange? I DON'T HATE IT.
Do you find it in your heart to forgive? DEPENDS HOW MINOR/MAJOR THE ACT WAS, USUALLY YES I FORGIVE.
Would you rather not drink [any liquid at all] or not sleep? I LOVE TO SLEEP, BUT I'D RATHER HAVE WATER.
Have you ever seen a real redneck? I AM ONE? AND YES.
Do tattoos and piercings excite you? UH, NO.
What's the meaning of life? THIS IS WAY TOO DEEP FOR A SURVEY. ENJOYING YOUR FAMILY'S COMPANY, MAKING LIFELONG FRIENDSHIPS LAST, & A GOOD GLASS OF WINE.
What's your favorite season? LIKE YOU HAVE TO ASK... FALL.
Do you care if people talk smack about you? NAH.
At what age do you want to get married? 27. HINT. HINT.
How long are you on the phone daily? ON AVERAGE, LESS THAN AN HOUR.
Are you in a good mood? JUST TIRED.
Do you think people will exist forever? I DOUBT IT.
Obama or mccain? OBAMA:) WE'LL BE SURE TOMORROW.
Do you believe in luck? NOT REALLY.
Everything happens for a reason, right? ABSOLUTELY.
Would you rather skydive or bungee jump? SKYDIVE.
Do you like snakes? NO!
Where is one place that you'd like to visit? ST.THOMAS, ARUBA, JAMAICA, MEXICO, EUROPE, AUSTRAILIA, AFRICA AND ALL OF THE STATES THAT I HAVE NOT YET VISITED
Do you like waffles? YEP.
Anything your looking forward to? A NEW PRESIDENT.
Do you have more or less than five best friends? I DON'T REALLY BELIEVE IN 'BEST' FRIENDS. I HAVE MANY GOOD FRIENDS THAT I LOVE TO DEATH.
What would you do if the friend you talk to most stopped talking to you? CALL HER & ASK HER 'WHAT'S THE DEAL YO?!'
Does the number 23 have any significance to you? NADA.
Be honest, do you like people in general? HONESTLY NO.
Big or small dogs? BIG DOGS GENERALLY BEHAVE BETTER & ARE LESS YIPPY. HOWEVER, I LOVED LILY TO PIECES ANS SHE WAS A LITTLE GIRL.
Do you like Big Macs? I'VE NEVER HAD ONE.
Did someone bother you today? HMMM.... WAS I IN THE GENERAL PUBLIC? YES & YES.
What do you think about death? IT IS A NATURAL PROCESS THAT WE ALL MUST GO THROUGH & IF YOU'RE COMFORTABLE WITH YOUR THOUGHTS ON AFTERLIFE THERE IS NO REASON TO FEAR. HAVING SAID THIS, DO I WANT TO DIE TOMORROW? NO.
Sometimes, do you wish you were someone else? NO.
Does someone love you? I'M SO LOVABLE. A LOT OF PEOPLE LOVE ME.
Do you know anyone named Dave? MY UNCLE & TWO GUYS I WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL WITH.
Recently kissed anyone with the name starting with R? MY MOM IN SEPTEMBER (RHONDA).
Has anyone ever mistaken you for a family member on the phone? MI MADRE.
Have you ever tried Gatorade? YES, DUH.
Do you think that Starbucks is expensive? IT'S A BIT OVERPRICED BUT DELICIOUS.
Are you named after a family member? NO, MY MOM SAW MY NAME ON 'KIDS SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS' WHEN SHE WASY PREGNANT. IT WAS SPELLED S-H-A-Y-N-A. SHE FELL IN LOVE WITH THE NAME, MY DAD SAID NO BECAUSE MY 3 OLDER BROTHERS START WITH 'C'. COMPROMISE: CHAYNA.
Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass or fail? PASSISH.
Are you taller than 5' 6"? NO.
Ever seen a dead body? YES, I'M A NURSE.
Do you like the color blue? SOME SHADES OF BLUE ARE PRETTY.
How are you? VERY FULL.
What is one thing your looking foward to? SLEEPING.
Who was the last person to send you a text message? KATIE.
Last restaurant you went to? IN-N-OUT
What is the weather like today? PERFECT! SUNNY & 70S.
How many hours did you sleep last night? CLOSE TO 12, BUT SEVEN SOLID HOURS.
Any upcoming concerts you want to attend? I WOULD LOVE TO GO TO A GOOD OUTDOOR CONCERT ANYTIME SOON. JOHN LEGEND WOULD BE AMAZING TO SEE AGAIN.
Who's the last person that you felt was stalking you? THE CREEPY GUY AT THE SUPERMARKET A COUPLE MONTHS AGO.
Have you ever been on your school's track team? IN JUNIOR HIGH. AND I STILL DON'T GET WHY THE SPRINTERS/SHORT DISTANCE RUNNERS HAVE TO RUN MILES IN PRACTICE.
What clothes are you wearing? SWEATS.
If all your friends went on a road trip would you go too? OH HECK YES!
How much money do you have, in cash? SOME CHANGE.
Do you swear at your parents? NO I'M NOT SIXTEEN.
Is your phone right beside you? YEAH I THINK SO.
Have you cried today? NO.
Last time you cried? I REALLY CAN'T REMEMBER.
Do you think that someone is thinking about you right now? MAYBE BRETT IF HE ISN'T ASLEEP ALREADY.
Do you untie your shoes every time you take them off? I RARELY WEAR SHOES WITH LACES, I ONLY UNTIE THEM IF THEY ARE NEW.
What are the color of your bed sheets? LIGHT BLUE.
Have you ever crawled through a window? I'M SURE.
Are you photogenic? USUALLY.
What's your sign? TAURUS.
Where do you spend most of your money? RENT.
What was the last thing you did? HUNG OUT WITH BRETT, KAITLYN & ERIC.
Do you have any tattoos? NO!
Do you still watch Saturday morning cartoons NO.
Is there a secret you've never told any of your friends? NOT THAT I CAN THINK OF.
Have you ever changed your clothes in a vehicle? YES SIR.
What are you doing in 2009? TRYING TO BE MORE POSITIVE, WORK OUT REGULARLY, VACATION & HAVE FUN!!!
What is your ringtone? GENERIC AT&T RINGTONE.
What were you doing at 2 AM, saturday night? TURNING BACK MY CLOCKS. WAITING FOR BRETT & ADAM TO QUIT PLAYING XBOX.
Are your parents divorced, married, or seperated? WIDOWED.
What are you doing tonight? THE NIGHT IS NEARLY OVER, TIME TO SLEEP.
What are you doing tomorrow? VOTING FOR OBAMA. VOTING YES ON 2, NO ON 4, NO ON H8TE. AND THEN DRINKING WITH BRETT, ERIC & KAITLYN UNTIL WE FIND OUT WHO THE NEXT PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES WILL BE.
Who did you last message on MySpace? PROBABLY KAITLYN.
Does it annoy you when someone says they'll call but never do? NOT REALLY BECAUSE I'M GUILTY OF IT.
What did you dress up as for your first Halloween? I THINK A CLOWN.

ok ok ok

so it's been four days since i've first heard about the kindle. yes, i'm still obsessing over this lil gadget. so i decided to shop around, see if there were any other similar products. there are. about the same price range but you have to sync them to your computer. lame.

yesterday i received my million dollar dental bill. yup, you guessed it. granny chayna is going to be responsible, again. i'm going to put $300 towards my dental bill rather than buy a product i really think i might possibly love.

you should have seen brett's face today when i told him about this fantastic machinery! he didn't even let me get out that i had decided NOT to purchase the gizmo at this time. he went ballistic! he's right, but we were agreeing! boys and their little tiny brains.

on another note, i learned a lot this morning. when i got off work, i woke brett up and he got ready for a morning full of errand running before physical therapy. first we went to the dmv. **top secret info ahead** tuesday mornings are the absolute BEST time to go to the dmv. we all know the dmv sucks. california dmvs suck harder. and la dmvs suck the most. we waited a whole 45 seconds before they called our number! sweet mother of god! we didn't get what we went to accomplish done, but we will. so then we go to cvs to pic up some 'scripts. brett's belly was rumbling and he wanted togo's but we instead went to starbucks. if i haven't already said it a million times over, i love fall. yeah god for pumpkin spice lattes with non-fat milk! heavenly! so then we went to costco, another great place to go on a tuesday morning. except apparently you can't get in at 10am unless you're higher than a 'gold-card member.' bite me costco! turning me away at the door! f you right in your a! so we went to target <3>

brett must be loving me because (1) he hates running errands & (b) he's still injured while running errands. he hasn't shaved his face since the accident... nearly 6 weeks. caveman. and he has been begging me to get a beard/mustache trimmer. i was trying to get him to hold off as i had already told my loving mother that this hot item was on his xmas list. he won, got the trimmer. was.so.pissed when he found out you had to charge it before use.

by noon i was out like a light. when i woke up this evening, yep you guessed it. my cave man can now be in an add for phillips norelco. he's so content. who needs kids when you have a guy like mine?

i am such a consumer!

ok really? oprah is that big of an influence on my pea-sized brain! i set my dvr to record her show daily and on friday she revealed a new gadget that she is (and i am now) obsessed with. the kindle. omg. omg. omg. i.want.it.now.
i immediately emailed my mom about my new obsession and told her NOT to buy it for me for christmas because, let's be honest, it's a bit overpriced. and because i cannot wait until christmas. so today is sunday. i learned of this gadget yesterday and have been non-stop searching for this thing. reading reviews. comparing similar product. etc. etc.
so what you're thinking is, 'wow. chayna is a book worm. a sexy book worm. i didn't know that. wow.' nope. i'm not. i'll become an electronic book reading fool of a worm if if get this device of course. again, probably not but i want it! i want it! i want it!
if you don't know what a kindle is, go check it out. it's basically a wireless gadget that allows you to download books in A MINUTE, no matter your location. it stores a crapton of books. it's saving trees people! yeah, i'm a green book worm.
damn you oprah! one day you have suze orman on who tells me to save my money and buy only the things i can afford. the next day you have a super-cool gadget that i probably can't afford but i'm going to buy anyway. damn you!

in other news... are you kidding?! this is the.only.thing on my brain right now! i'm such a geek for technology. Yes, I love technology, but not as much as you, you see... But still, I love technology... Always and forever.

lesson learned!

it's not what you say, but how you say it. simple enough? yes. have i heard it before? a million times. it.just.sank.in. i sorta kinda put in it the brain bank yesterday when brett & i were on our way to blockbuster. to get out of our apartment complex from the garage, you have to do a blind turn into an alley. i, almost always, take the alley to the nearest street rather than just getting on the narrow side street. and i generally fly down the alley at 25mph. and it's full of other parking structure and private garages. so brett has been telling me for the last six weeks to:

slow the fuck down!

you are gonna get schmucked!

you need to quit taking this damn alley! you can't control morons!

slow down! ok, don't.

etc....

then, yesterday he tried a different approach: chayna, i would prefer if you would please not take the alley behind our apartment. i care about you so much and don't want anything bad to happen to you. ever. please just be more careful and if possible take the street instead, but if you do have to take the alley, go very slow and be cautious. i would kill myself if anything ever happened to you.

turns out, the second approach was much more effective! so much so that i have not yet driven down the alley.

my turn. when i was at work last night, brett had a couple of friends over for drinks and video games. no he's not ten, he's just a man addicted to the video games. let's not go there. i did buy the xbox for him for his birthday. stupid wonderful girlfriend. anyway... i came home this morning to pick up brett for physical therapy and he seemed unusually (i use that word lightly) cranky. i was like:

are you hungover?

who did you all supply beers to? there are three left in a 30 pack!

did you smoke a cigarette last night?! are you some kind of fucking idiot?! you quit six weeks ago! with everything that has happened you want to smoke? ew.

to which he replied, why am i honest with you? i didn't have to tell you. urgh.

and then i dropped his monkey ass off at *seriously almost typed pre-school?!* physical therapy. came home and thought about the way i said what i said. an hour and a half later, i picked him up and told him, i've learned my lesson. i know it's my tone and/or the inflection in my voice that frustrates you. but just like you care about my safety when i'm driving down the alley, i care about your safety too. with everything that's happened this past month, i know how short life can be. we've watched our grandparents suffer from smoking. please, i'm asking you not to ever smoke again. i want you to be around forever so we can grow old together. please?

clearly, much more effective. i have a feeling we're going to be having a lot of repeat conversations in order to word them the correct way. it is totally worth it though. what do you have if you can't communicate? lesson learned.

happy birthday mama!

today is my mom's birthday=D yeah:) too bad i'm 2,000 miles away from her on her special day. a phone call just isn't the same as a big squeeze, you know? it's really hard to decide what to get your mom for her birthday, especially since she pretty much never "needs" anything. i've been asking her for awhile now what she'd like for her birthday and she came up with "new floor mats for my car." whoopdifreakindo! and no. so she had an archaic camera that finally pooped out on her so i decided to buy her an easy to run digital camera. welcome to the 21st century mom! i'm sure she'll be reading the owner's manual for the next week and a half and maybe by early january i will see an actual photo printed out! oh, moms!

she told me that last night she got to go to dinner with four of her high school classmates that she hadn't seen for a loooong time. since she's been single she rarely... ok never... goes to her class reunions. the ladies went out for dinner and chatted the night away. i think it's hilarious that the first thing she told me was, "they all looked old! i was like, 'oh my god! i'm with a bunch of old people!" i carefully replied, mom, maybe you need to get one of those magnifying mirrors so you can see your reflection better....

jokes aside, i do have the best mother in the entire world. her life hasn't been easy. she pretty much single handed raised two successful children. not by choice, but that was the hand she was dealt. she never complained. she is the sweetest lady you could ever meet. she is very wise. i can always, always turn to her. her arms are wide open. i hate that i live this far from her and really hope to move closer to home when i decide to have children. seeing her twice a year is not enough. i love her more than she'll ever know. she has raised me to be very strong and independent. i am forever grateful to have been blessed with such a wonderful mom. just look at the pic, she is superwoman!

happy birthday mom! i love you!!!

random thoughts of the day

i'm just not the housewifey type. i already have four days off a week, and i just don't know what to do with them. it takes a day to complete the housework/laundry etc, thanks to a great boyfriend who helps keep it clean day to day. and then another day to run errands. we have no pets thanks to allergies. and no kids thanks to a fractured pelvis. i literally feel like there is nothing to do. i know we're surrounded by millions of things to do, this is afterall LA. not too many people have the middle of the day off though, and i haven't captured the art of having fun alone.

one thing i could do everyday, recieve fantastic wine shipments from amazing wineries. oh yum! now i have to try to leave them in our wine fridge for more than one week. it's so tempting. who doesn't love a glass of vino?

brett & i went to see 'W' tonight. eh. it wasn't what i expected, yet very long. i wouldn't recommend it. there was no real end and it didn't have a whole lot of substance. w has been in office for eight years. in one hour i could think of much better content to include in a movie about him and his never-ending fuck ups. and condoleezza rice's character was so annoying. she is a very intelligent lady and this actress sucked. bad.

i am going to have to dedicate an entire blog to the before & after of b. he is seriously manorexic now. he's lost 30ish pounds since the accident and cannot stop (a) looking in the mirror, (b) weighing himself. he'll soon weigh less than me! he really does look good though. like really good. like david beckham good. lucky, lucky me! that pelvis will heal my darlin and i'd better find a gyno before that. tmi? my bad.

not many thoughts running through my brain tonight. i need to slip into bed with my man and finish this glass of wine. g'nite!

happy 60th birthday daddy!

today would have been my dad's 60th birthday if he were still here. wow. imagine the shindig! i don't have a lot of memories of my dad since he passed away when i was only six. i have a lot of pictures and i know i was a daddy's girl, but actual memories are scarce. i often wonder how life would have been different if he were still here.

i wonder if if i have any of his mannerisms. i know i look just like my mom. and since i've spent a majority of my life with just her, i'm sure i have more of her mannerisms than his. but i wonder if i think the same way as he did. do i act like he did? i know i have some of the same interests that he did.

i've wondered if he would have been here, would i be where i am today? would i have gone to college out of state? moved 2,000 miles from home? be a nurse? be so independent? be with brett? be allowed to date at all! he used to tell me i couldn't date until i was 30!

i think about what my future will be like without him. when i get married, i'll walk alone but hold him in my heart. when i have kids, will they understand that everyone has two grandpas but only one is here on earth? i worry about my mom when she gets older, alone.

i wonder if my brothers would have treated me more like a sister than a daughter for the last 18 years. all three of them have been very protective and did a great job playing the role they were handed. each of them are very different and have therefore taught me different things. i am so thankful for them. i should tell them more often.

so in the spirit of halloween and what should have been my dad's 60th, my friend & i carved pumpkins today! because that is a memory that i do have with him. and i found out today, carving pumpkins is a lot of work man! but we did it, and then rewarded ourselves with a beverage. which then made it a lot easier for me to carve my second pumpkin, the one that my anti-traditional boyfriend didn't want to carve!

cheers to our parents! remember to tell them thank you. remind them that you love them. we don't know how long they will be here with us.

live for today!

sounds easy enough, right? so wrong for me. so hard for me.

brett & i have been struggling lately with our communication and making our relationship the priority. we've had a rough month. last friday was one one month to the day of his car accident. he's been struggling at home and i've been struggling at work to get us by. i recognize that he's lonely and bored and that his entire life has been turned upside-down, inside-out. imagine blinking and not being able to do anything you're used to doing. you can't move your body like you just could. you don't have enough energy to hang out with your friends. going to work is next to impossible. and your social circle has slowly melted away because you can't participate in the usual activities. i do get that.

now on my side, i've also been exhausted, for very different reasons. it's very hard to understand the path that God has chosen for us. we just have to have faith that everything will work out. but our plate is very full right now. i was out of work for awhile so that i could be with brett during this stressful time. so of course our income isn't what it should be. now that he's home, i'm trying to pick up extra shifts so that we can make it. comfortably, like we're used to. but i'm exhausted. i go to work and take care of patients. i come home and take care of my personal patient. i'm TRYING to think of fun activities for us to do. any fun, sober ideas for someone with physical limitations? point is, i'm forgetting to take care of myself.

we've both been stressed, which makes us cranky, which in turn makes us argue. today i was reminded by my love that i need to live for today. i am in a constant state of wonder, daydreaming if you will, about our future. i want to get married. i want to have kids. i want to own a home. i want brett's career to take off. i want to be close(r) to our family or at least have the funds to visit them more often. i spend a lot of time thinking about our future.

brett so kindly reminded me that "all of that shit will happen." it's not something i have to worry about, all of that just happens. everything will fall into place and there's no need to worry about it. he says people who have "goals" to get married/have kids/etc are morons. that's life. it's what we're programed to do. it isn't a "goal." so i swallowed all of this information, choking it down. but he's right. we will get married, we will have kids, we will have a house, we will grow old... together, no less. just relax. enjoy today. live for today.

i don't want to be 85 telling my grandkids that yes, grammy & pops did live in LA when we were your age but we didn't take advantage of the city. how it was a tough time for us and we stayed in and argued a lot, we got through it, but we REGRET that we didn't take advantage of all of the opportunities because we were too busy bitching at each other.

soooooooooo, do me a favor. try to take this advice with me. let's live for today! let's not live with regrets, k?

as michelle tanner would say... how RUDE!

so i accidentally set my DVR to tape oprah every day. which isn't necessarily a bad thing since i appreciate her... for the most part. but the episode i watched today was talking about how rude people have become. it's just really disgusting. she touched on a few topics, listed below that i'll gladly comment on. i just want to remind you that being rude and being bitchy are two completely different things. i admit, i am a bitch. i have improved tremendously, but i'm still a bitch. i try not to be rude, but some people are just so fucking stupid, they kind of deserve it. i would also like to note that when i was young and didn't really know what a 'pet peeve' was, i listed 'smoking.' now that i've been there, done that, quit that... i have a new list. similar to the o's. now on to her list of rude behaviors...



*talking on the cell phone/texting while doing public tasks

i guess this one doesn't really bother me so much because i know that the world is coming to an end. clearly, everyone texts/im constantly because we no longer know how to converse with one another. and it's way more fun to get into an accidental fight because you interpreted the tone of the text incorrectly. i do seriously hate when people talk on the phone when in a restaurant. ew. either excuse yourself or try to remember the times when we only had landlines. don't you have voicemail anyway?


*gossiping

guilty, no comment.


*being chronically late

i've found being late has a lot to do with living in california. i was NEVER late when i lived in the midwest. i was early. at least 10-15 minutes. granted, la has traffic. but if you've lived here a week you know you have to adjust because anything can happen. still, i'm late. except for work because i leave one hour early and it's a whoppin' 12 miles away.


*not picking up after your pets defecation

that's just sick. pick it up you lowlife. you'd be pissed if i shit on your lawn. carry a plastic bag or buy some gloves. i know it's sick but you bought the damn animal! take care of it! oh, you probably can't even afford to feed that animal. you know what? dont' worry honey, the electric bill can be late as long as fido has his food. dumbbbbbbbbbbbbb.




*taking someone's parking space

ok, this one i'll debate about. parking spaces are a free for all, especially out here. there are no names labeling them. the only reason i feel the need to justify this is because brett & i stole a woman's parking space ONCE. she was on her way up the parking structure, us on the way down. so CLEARLY we were there first, right? because we had been all the way up. and were on the way down. so we took the space. the girl cussed at us and whatnot and i was afraid she'd key my car, but she didn't. it's just the karma i worried about.


*being rude to service workers/terrible tippers

i was a waitress through nursing school. thank god, it taught me amazing time management skills that i would need as a nurse. which is still the service industry. if you want to bitch about how crummy the food/service is, quit returning. stay at home and cook for yourself you fatass! and if you can't afford to tip the appropriate 15-20% for a full meal, get an appetizer. it's not the waitress' fault you can't afford it! they are making $3 and hour.


*speaking a different language at work

ok this is my own personal pet peeve. we live in america. we work in america. fucking speak english. it is RUDE when you speak to someone other than your patient/customer in any language other than english. i don't think i need to dive into this topic, you get it right? si?

mrs.riley?

i am a walking contradiction. my last post was related to marriage... the appropriate age to do it, if at all. this week, all i can think about is the future. i have weddings on the brain. two of our friends got married over the weekend on the central coast. she posted pics on myspace and she had some really cute ideas. so now everything i look at, i correlate with weddings. for example, crate & barrel has these cute candle centerpiece things that could be arranged nicely if done correctly. not exactly like this one, but similar. in my head, brett & i are getting married in october. i'm not sure what year.... it's not like i haven't dropped major hints.


*one* i made him drive 3 hours out of his way to see this beautiful ring i had found. i wanted him to see it on my finger. this was after a few short months of dating. and after i had already given him the jeweler's card with the skew number on the back, the ring size, the price and the sale price.


*two* i'm sure i've shown him this about five-hundred-thousand times. oh tiffany, i love you!

and i've showed him this one.



and of course a girl needs one for work, right? so this would be the matching band.

i just don't know what to do to actually get him to pop the question. i remember a long time ago he informed me that i'm supposed to propose to him. so instead i think i'll just buy a bunch of wedding-esque stuff to randomly lay around the house until he figures it out. i'll probably have this entire planner, that i'm seriously contemplating buying, filled out before we're ever engaged. even though i'm not martha stewart's biggest fan, the woman does have great taste!

i'm not going to cross my fingers or hold my breath, but i'm hoping this is hanging on our door next christmas, with "the riley's" engraved on it. *sigh* i loves him.

ps remind me to post something about brett's face when he says that. that & he just compared us to britney & k-fed. where do i? how do i? oh my boy is SPECIAL:)

marriage? i must be cranky!

hhhmmmmmmmmffffffffffffff.... come on magic fingers, think of something to blog about. how about why people find it so necessary to get married these days? before you go judging me, talking about how i must be an old woman who's been burned one too many times by love and now i like to knit and sip cocoa with my eighteen cats gathered around, guess again! i'm in a very loving, happy, committed relationship of three and a half years. i feel like you could just go ahead and remove that happy and loving part if we were to say... tie the knot.





don't get me wrong. i do want to be married someday. i've never been anti-marriage. since i was very young though, i said i wouldn't get married until i was 27. why? no idea. just my lucky number for marriage i guess. so really i'm just bitching about all the youngsters that get married.





just look at the stats. you are more likely to get divorced if you marry in your early twenties or before. do i know people who have been married young in life? yes. are they still married? two or three years later... yes. can i name a few who have been divorced? yes.





i have been dreaming up a magnificent wedding for awhile now. but with the state of the country and my lack of funds, i've been thinking. is it a ceremony binding two lives together, forever, through love or is it a huge function to prove your status. get glammed up and show to your peers just how much you are worth? i would gladly marry brett in a pig farm (it would not be my first choice, but i still would).





i just want people to stop rushing everything. take a second. friggin' breathe. is this the person you want to wake up to for the next 50+ years? or did you both happen to be at the right place and at the right time? do you REALLY know each other? do you make each other GROW? are you in it as a TEAM or is it his/her bullshit?





on a semi-related subject... *stolen from brett* why do you have to have a license to hunt/fish/drive but anyone can have children? if you can't afford to feed your own mouth, why bring an innocent child into the world? if you're not done being a child yourself, why bring an innocent child into this world? to tie it all together... it is 2008. if you knock a girl up/get knocked up... marriage is not necessarily the best answer. nor is it mandatory. really? your parents would be disappointed? just because you're married, doesn't mean you were abstinent while you were dating (obvi, there's a bun in the oven!).





but i do, do, do want to marry brett someday. and be the mother of his children, someday. all i'm asking is to think with your heads, not your genitals.

oooooooooooooh politics....

first and funniest... the boy just told me i look like sarah palin, and that is why he's been mad at me lately. nice. and i don't.

so i was at work last night during the presidential debate, i maybe unconsiously on purpose schedule myself during the debates. i know i need to be informed and this is an extremely important election... you know, compared to all the other elections that clearly meant nothing. duh. but i've been watching anderson cooper (oh yum) discussing what happened last night. i will apologize in advance because two things i should never discuss are politics & religion. but if you think for half a second that anything will improve, or even change slightly, if mccain gets elected, you might be an idiot. that's all i'm going to say.

well, that and who gives a rats ass what obama's middle name is? seriously? a middle name? just f'in pretend his name is barack richard obama. for the next month or so, it's going to be more racial than it already has been. because mccain called barack 'that one.' oh lordy. uh uh, oh no you didn't mccain!

i'm over it. completely and entirely. i'm tired of seeing gas prices soar and hardly being able to afford groceries for two mouths. thankfully i don't have children yet.

oh yeah, and aig got bailed out, again. and then the executives of aig spent more than $400,000 on a fancy shmancy get away for manis/pedis/massages. dumb asses. can we please go back to a cash society? you don't have the money, you can't have that! and then can we go back to the caveman days and practice survival of the fittest? grrrrrrrrrrrrr..........

nada to bitch about?

oh man, this weekend went by way too fast! i was waiting all week... 8 nights of work in a row and all i wanted was a long weekend of relaxation. silly me, i nearly slept the entire weekend away. rats!
this is odd, i have nothing to bitch about right now. i mean i do, but it would take multiple blogs and i'm just not up to that right now. i could complain about how bad life sucks, & why did this (car accident, etc) happen to us?! or why is it SO f'in hot STILL... it is october! or a million and five reasons i would like to uproot and move out of this country.
brett is still improving every day. he's lost a lot of muscle mass... around 25 pounds. today he started outpatient physical therapy. it's so hard for me to see him like this. i want my old buggie back. the overly active one that even has to pace when he's on the phone. my athletic (ok i get it, you are athletic. after nearly four years, i am admitting this to you: you are an athlete. and not just on madden or tiger woods golf) boyfriend. the one who can't stand to spend another day in the house so we HAVE to go out. let's go out. i know its been a real struggle for him this week. he can't be at the clubs every weekend because he needs someone to drive him and those other people apparently have lives... eh. he hasn't had (with the exception of my adult supervision last night) a beer since the accident. this may be no biggie for most people, but as a stand up comedian with many friends who enjoy the occasional (binging every night) cold brew, it is a big deal. he's lost his socialization network. my poor baby.
so on a totally different topic: where are we all going to move when the recession gets so bad that there is an even larger amount of violence/crime in la? hmm... where?
and finally... LOST. ever watched it? it's got me hooked but i'm not sure why. it's very suspenseful and i like that, but you really never find out the answers. how do i so easily get hooked on moronic tv?

long overdue

wow. i am an awesome blogger. only three months since my last post! it's because i'm incredibly busy you see... so this blog will serve to briefly update you on where i've been the last few months.

july came & went so fast! brett and i got settled into our new luxury pad. i LOVE it. it is SO spacious! it's a bit of a pain to keep clean (to a normal OCD chica) and a lot more expensive to cool than our uber-efficient tiny box that we used to live in. we've had plenty of friends (and plenty of room for them) hang out, which i love! the more the merrier! and we've had family visit on two separate occasions since the move. the memory foam sacks, although large and a little tacky, are a hit!

august, i can't even remember august. i finally, for the first time all year, did not work ANY overtime. yes, i saw it in my paycheck, but it was worth it! brett's dad and brother spent the first week of the month with us. fun times my friends! we did A LOT of binge drinking. yikes! add a little karaoke, a lot of friends, a day or two at the beach and good eats... sounds like a good time to me! and it was! to be responsible, we finally registered our cars in the state of California. oh joy. and then i decided on a whim to fly home during September...

september i headed back to good 'ole iowa in search of my favorite season, fall. ah, fall. the cool breeze, the crisp air, the leaves morphing into beautiful beings, millions of tiny stars in the sky, my family surrounding me... and me falling fast asleep in a cold bed, alone. i had so much fun, it was much needed r&r (who knew i would need it the very NEXT week?!). i surprised my grandma, much to MY surprise, did not recognize me. how long have i been gone? jeesh! and then surprised my bestest cousin ever! i wish the trip could have been longer, but it obviously could not have been. God knew i needed to be in la, just in time for brett to get in a nearly fatal car accident. yep i said it. sucky sucky sucky september... more on the accident later...

and now, it's october. which i was SO excited for. last year brett PROMISED (he's in denial about his promise) that we could go to knott's scary farm this year. i begged, literally begged, him to go last year. we did not. this year was the year. not anymore. grandpa booty can't be struttin' his walker around the park. probably shouldn't be tossing his insides around quite yet either as they are still healing from major abdominal surgery. ugh. i'm annoyed. i really, REALLY, wanted to go. i mean, yeah i guess... look on the bright side... brett IS still alive. he has no spinal cord injuries. no brain injuries (the doctors claim! show me the CT and i'll be the judge of that!). he can talk, walk, eat & even poop now. i know i'm being whiny about this whole knott's scary farm thing, but come on man! we ARE going next year. WE ARE!

hands free california

i'm not a fan of blue tooth. not even a little bit. i refused to get one for the longest time, until july 1st came around and california decided it was mandatory to use a hands free device while driving. i went to at&t and bought the cheapest device available. i will not have a flashing blue accessory in my ear unless i'm in the car. they make people look crazy, like an insane alien form. see ------------>

i will admit that i've been on a mission to become a blue tooth parol officer now. a majority of people are using them, way to boost the economy california! but i've noticed a few things. isn't the purpose of the hands free device to:

1. ensure drivers are concentrating on the road
2. ensure drivers have two hands available to clench the steering wheel
3. ensure drivers really don't have to communicate with their passenger because clearly they'd rather be talking to anyone else but YOU!

so the other morning, as i'm driving home from work i pull up to a red stoplight a few blocks from home. i glanced in the rearview mirror to see a handsome business man drive up behind me. top down on his audi convertable, dressed to the 10s, little blue bulb flashing away in his ear, smile on his face & a tear in his eye from his extreme laughter. at that point, i confirmed by belief that the blue tooth is no better than actually holding a cell phone. he was proving right then and there that the purpose of these devices has failed!

1. he clearly was not concentrating on the road. he was laughing histarically. he was so fixated in the conversation that he lagged behind me at 25 mph in a 35 zone.
2. his hands were both free though. free of the wheel. he was making hand gestures, knee slapping (idk who he was talking to, but clearly the person was hillarious!), stratching his salt & pepper hair. thank goodness he wasn't holding a phone to his head... i mean really...

but because the law is the law, and i'm an abider, you'll surely see me cruising the freeways with my new flashy accessory. and you'll also see me looking like a tardio thanks to the super cool memory foam chairs i bought at costco yesterday. they come packaged like a punching bag & just as heavy. so after the men loaded my car with three of them, one in the trunk and two forcably in the backseat, i had to slide my driver's seat all the way to the front. so i look like grandma, eating my stearing wheel and sporting my hands free device.

in other news, brett & i sign the lease and retrieve the keys for our new place today! i'm real excited to get out of this place a stretch my legs!! and now i need to tend to my much neglected packing....

not the best way to start

good morning sunshine! or afternoon, it depends on how you look at it really.


ahhhhhhhh! this is the sound resonating in my brain right now. can anyone else hear these silent screams?! i don't know if i've been working too much overtime or maybe consumed one too many alcoholic drinks in my lifetime, but my brain feels like complete & total mush.

i pretty much have an amazing boyfriend, which i'll delve into in a later post, but jesus h. christ! the man is an incredible communicator, myself not so much. surrounded by a family full of people whose only conversation revolves around shit and the weather, my communication skills are not exactly up to par. he & i, we're like a person with 20/20 vision having unachievable expectations of the blind.

we've been having this on-going argument/discussion/him talking at me and me returning with my usual blank stare, for the past few weeks. and 'nothing is getting, or has been, resolved.' now i find that truly hard to believe when the only issue at hand is whether or not i support him & his career path... which i do! but i'm 25 years old, carrying the financial weight for two. two who are not in anyway spoiled, but refuse to live below our, my, standards. we live in hollywood, and so do a million other people who want to do what he does. but it is undeniable that his skill level is just uncomparable to rest. he will make it. i know it takes time. i signed up for this... sort of... i just want to scream out loud "GET OFF MY BACK ALREADY! I FRIGGIN' LOVE YOU!" isn't that enough? that's all i'm saying...