created for brett, by chayna, with love of course

ok, so i asked brett what topic to dive into today... octomom? because she hasn't had enough publicity... michael phelps? because he's such a little devil for smoking the pot... where michael jordan's son is going to school? because who really cares... how crappy michigan state did against unc? because that's just sad...

so he suggested i work out my frustrations with him via my blog. great idea! especially on our FOUR YEAR ANNIVERSARY! 

recently, on my days off i have tried to get up a decent time so that i could (a) see more sunshine (b) spend more time with my loving boyfriend (c) be more productive. yesterday i woke up early and had planned to take brett to a local park that we'd never been to. i wanted to be all romantical and hold hands, take in the nature, sit on a park bench and talk about our future. not about our careers, not about money, not about anything really specific. just non-forced blabbering about how much we love each other and why we want to spend forever, together. awh, cute, right? wrong! 

brett woke up in a crappy mood at 3PM. i had asked him at about 1PM to wake up sometime soon, and filled him in briefly on my plan. he didn't say no, he just said he wanted a couple more hours. ok fine. so at 4ish we head over to this beautiful park. the sun was starting to set, there were people everywhere, the breeze was perfect but brett's mood was far from.

i tried holding his hand on the way over to the walking path, he resisted. he brought up money and how he needs to make some soon. i suggested he set up a show near the end of april when he already has a show in santa maria. he says he doesn't really want to do that paying show. i asked him if he called to cancel. he said, it's a 5 minute thing. i'm not calling them. so i say, brett it's common courtesy to call them and let them know you're not planning on doing it. they'll need to find a replacement. he BLOWS UP. he already knew that and why am i talking to him like a mom?! 

excuse me? you just said you weren't going to call them. and then he continues to tell me how stupid i am and how i need to talk to him the right way. i'm embarrassed because we're in public, oh and i don't deserve that bullshit. so i tell him to shut up and walk either in front of, or behind me or just go to the car. i'm going to try to enjoy some of this park and i will talk to him when we get to the car. i knew this was a bad idea, because brett always looses his shiznit when i walk away from him, but i did it anyway because i was pissed off. 

we probably spent 20 minutes at this park. the entire trip was horrible. we screamed at each other the whole way home. i dropped him off and left. we eventually resolved our spat and were able to have a semi-romantic night. 

so the point of this is, are other men like this? i mean how do you wake up cussing? i just don't understand it. he lets his dreams effect his real life. he lets women who mean nothing to him on oprah piss him off when catches a tiny segment. he thinks all people are worthless, disgusting, skin sacks of shit. but it's not like this everyday. no some days he really likes people. some days he's in a great mood. sometimes he's romantic without even trying. sometimes he's willing to help me around the house. there are days when he doesn't want to leave the house. there are days when he cant wait to leave the house. there are days when he wants to hang out in the outdoors being active. there are days (like yesterday) when the last thing he wants to do is be in the sun or be active. 

is he bipolar doctor? 

he has a million qualities i love about him. yesterday we finally did talk about the actual reason we are together. we love each other, plain & simple. we're not together because we have to be, we're together because we want to be. he is one of the most intelligent people i've met. he can make me laugh when i'm happy, sad or mad. i can turn to him whenever i need to be lifted up. he actually does have a sensitive side, he doesn't like to show it, but i know it exists because i get to see it. i think he'll be an incredible father. his patience grows & grows. 

i know i'm not perfect and we frustrate the hell out of each other, but at the

end of the day, it's his hand i want to hold. it's his stinky breath i want to wake up to. everyday. forever & ever.