we're baaaaaaaaaaack from Cancun!

Brett & I returned home from Cancun late Monday night. We had an absolute blast!!! I'm going to blog about the entire trip with pictures, but I haven't yet uploaded my photos yet... so here's part of the story...As most of you know, I decided to surprise Brett with a trip to Cancun for his 30th birthday. The poor boy had never been out of the country. Around Valentine's Day, I purchased the trip and then I had to try to keep it a secret for the next month.  Well, Mr. Birthday Boy comes home from work he says, "You could not pay me to go to Mexico right now!" I take a deep breath, "Why honey?" Drug cartels, danger, etc.... So I do some research and find that Cancun is the safest place in Mexico for tourists. A couple days pass and he says, "Seriously, you aren't planning a trip to Mexico for my bday right?" My response, "No, we can't afford that." ...shit... So anyway, after a few days of acting like a weirdo around

 the house I broke down and told him, he agreed to go and so the vacation begins on March 25th. 

I'm really glad we made our flight from LAX at 10:45am because I had also planned a surprise party for him the night before at Tokyo Delves. We had far too many sake bombs and my cell phone/alarm clock had never been set... oh and I left it in the car overnight so I would have never heard it anyway! But my brain woke me up at 6am and away we went...

Even in the AMERICAN airport, Brett had a sense of fear. It was pretty funny! So we fly into Cancun around 4:30pm Wednesday night. Our Hotel had transportation waiting for us. We get to the Riu Caribe and check in. The Hotel is full so they put us in the basement, with a view of a hill going up to the ocean. Um no. They told us they would move us the next morning after people checked out. Thank God! 

Brett gets great idea, "Spring Break '09 Bitches! Let's drink our faces off!" He proceeded to have a drinking contest with himself, let's just say he won. He told me he was going to 'stick to beer,' famous last words. They had a liquor dispenser in our room and we thought, 'It's gotta be watered down, right?' So Brett made himself a few drinks with 3/4 glass alcohol and a splash of nasty Mexican soda. Ew. 

We were strolling through the hotel when we found a 30+ party. Brett was mad because he was still 29 for two more days. But we crashed the party anyway, it was so lame. They were playing George Michael with a video projection screen. LAME! 

We headed to the sports bar and befriended George & Carla, a couple from Texas. After a few shots of nastiness, Brett was tanked! So he stumbled back to the room and passed out. I had already warned him that the next morning we had to wake up early (8:30am) to meet with the guy to plan our week, and we had to check out of our room by 10am so we could get into a better room. 

At that 8:30 meeting, Brett was a half a human. I made the decisions of what trips we would take. I tried to force him to eat breakfast, I think he choked down 4 pieces of potato before he excused himself to the restroom. As he was throwing up, his sunglasses fell into the toilet... he grabbed them and decided to wash them off. While he's cleaning the glasses they break, I think we all know that was God's way of telling Brett not to put those nasty glasses back on his face!

I headed down to the beach, Brett stumbled behind me like a lost, drunken puppy. I smeared sunblock all over his face and ears because I'm a good girlfriend but left if up to him to get the rest of his body. Well, he didn't, so after a few hours of sleeping in the sun I woke up my lobster. I told him to drink some water, handed him a half liter of water. He chugged 75% of it and immediately threw up, on the beach, next to the sand volleyball court. He puked three times on the way to the bathroom. I was worried, but I had to laugh because there were high school/college kids on spring break yelling "Yeah Man! Do it again! Drink more alcohol!" 

So you can probably imagine I'm having a great time at this point. I had decided to take the Jungle Tour that day so we had to eat lunch, this time Brett had a potato, and then we walked over to the tour place. We got to drive these two person speedboat things all around the Lagoon, following the tour guide. I drove the first half of the trip, then Brett started feeling a little bit better so he wanted to drive. He was doing well, but still had hangover mush brain. He was zig-zagging all over the place and going up on one side, trying to scare me. I told him to stop and he said, "Chayna, it's a boat. You can't mess up a boat!" Less than three minutes later, we were quite a ways behind the instructor so I told him to hurry to try to catch up. Well, the shortest distance between two points is a straight line right? The tour guide had been making big 'S' curves, we darted straight across the lagoon at full speed to catch him... until we hit a sandbar. Yup, we were in 6" deep water, we broke the propeller off the boat and we're stuck. In the middle of the lagoon. Alone. 

I was laughing hysterically, but felt really stupid and was nervous we'd have to pay for the boat. The guy tried to fix if for 20 minutes and finally we're like, "Dude, there is no propeller. Can we just go back?" He was so nice about it, he told me "Don't tell my boss!" I said, "No, you don't tell your boss! I don't want to pay for this shit!" Agreed.  

Brett & I are such assholes that we had ONE DOLLAR to tip the man. 

But, I kind of think he messed with us a little bit so maybe that's all he deserved. He took us to this remote area of the lagoon, made us all park & tie up our boats (yes I thought we were about to become hostages!) and made us stand on the bow of the boats. He said, "Look down into this big hole in the lagoon. It's fresh water. You can swim in there. I will." We all passed on swimming so he told us to at least put on these goggles and look into the 'Fresh Water.' I am not kidding, I think it was Cancun's sewer system! I promise I saw feces and chunks of toilet paper floating up occasionally. Fresh water my ass! But of course, Brett looked in. And is now wondering why his face is breaking out! Hahahaha!

We went to bed around 8PM that night.