lesson learned!

it's not what you say, but how you say it. simple enough? yes. have i heard it before? a million times. it.just.sank.in. i sorta kinda put in it the brain bank yesterday when brett & i were on our way to blockbuster. to get out of our apartment complex from the garage, you have to do a blind turn into an alley. i, almost always, take the alley to the nearest street rather than just getting on the narrow side street. and i generally fly down the alley at 25mph. and it's full of other parking structure and private garages. so brett has been telling me for the last six weeks to:

slow the fuck down!

you are gonna get schmucked!

you need to quit taking this damn alley! you can't control morons!

slow down! ok, don't.

etc....

then, yesterday he tried a different approach: chayna, i would prefer if you would please not take the alley behind our apartment. i care about you so much and don't want anything bad to happen to you. ever. please just be more careful and if possible take the street instead, but if you do have to take the alley, go very slow and be cautious. i would kill myself if anything ever happened to you.

turns out, the second approach was much more effective! so much so that i have not yet driven down the alley.

my turn. when i was at work last night, brett had a couple of friends over for drinks and video games. no he's not ten, he's just a man addicted to the video games. let's not go there. i did buy the xbox for him for his birthday. stupid wonderful girlfriend. anyway... i came home this morning to pick up brett for physical therapy and he seemed unusually (i use that word lightly) cranky. i was like:

are you hungover?

who did you all supply beers to? there are three left in a 30 pack!

did you smoke a cigarette last night?! are you some kind of fucking idiot?! you quit six weeks ago! with everything that has happened you want to smoke? ew.

to which he replied, why am i honest with you? i didn't have to tell you. urgh.

and then i dropped his monkey ass off at *seriously almost typed pre-school?!* physical therapy. came home and thought about the way i said what i said. an hour and a half later, i picked him up and told him, i've learned my lesson. i know it's my tone and/or the inflection in my voice that frustrates you. but just like you care about my safety when i'm driving down the alley, i care about your safety too. with everything that's happened this past month, i know how short life can be. we've watched our grandparents suffer from smoking. please, i'm asking you not to ever smoke again. i want you to be around forever so we can grow old together. please?

clearly, much more effective. i have a feeling we're going to be having a lot of repeat conversations in order to word them the correct way. it is totally worth it though. what do you have if you can't communicate? lesson learned.