live for today!

sounds easy enough, right? so wrong for me. so hard for me.

brett & i have been struggling lately with our communication and making our relationship the priority. we've had a rough month. last friday was one one month to the day of his car accident. he's been struggling at home and i've been struggling at work to get us by. i recognize that he's lonely and bored and that his entire life has been turned upside-down, inside-out. imagine blinking and not being able to do anything you're used to doing. you can't move your body like you just could. you don't have enough energy to hang out with your friends. going to work is next to impossible. and your social circle has slowly melted away because you can't participate in the usual activities. i do get that.

now on my side, i've also been exhausted, for very different reasons. it's very hard to understand the path that God has chosen for us. we just have to have faith that everything will work out. but our plate is very full right now. i was out of work for awhile so that i could be with brett during this stressful time. so of course our income isn't what it should be. now that he's home, i'm trying to pick up extra shifts so that we can make it. comfortably, like we're used to. but i'm exhausted. i go to work and take care of patients. i come home and take care of my personal patient. i'm TRYING to think of fun activities for us to do. any fun, sober ideas for someone with physical limitations? point is, i'm forgetting to take care of myself.

we've both been stressed, which makes us cranky, which in turn makes us argue. today i was reminded by my love that i need to live for today. i am in a constant state of wonder, daydreaming if you will, about our future. i want to get married. i want to have kids. i want to own a home. i want brett's career to take off. i want to be close(r) to our family or at least have the funds to visit them more often. i spend a lot of time thinking about our future.

brett so kindly reminded me that "all of that shit will happen." it's not something i have to worry about, all of that just happens. everything will fall into place and there's no need to worry about it. he says people who have "goals" to get married/have kids/etc are morons. that's life. it's what we're programed to do. it isn't a "goal." so i swallowed all of this information, choking it down. but he's right. we will get married, we will have kids, we will have a house, we will grow old... together, no less. just relax. enjoy today. live for today.

i don't want to be 85 telling my grandkids that yes, grammy & pops did live in LA when we were your age but we didn't take advantage of the city. how it was a tough time for us and we stayed in and argued a lot, we got through it, but we REGRET that we didn't take advantage of all of the opportunities because we were too busy bitching at each other.

soooooooooo, do me a favor. try to take this advice with me. let's live for today! let's not live with regrets, k?